Is longevity a real blessing?

< Longevity is a blessing, but living to a hundred is a curse. >

“Huh? Do you think I can live that long?”

She asked the doctor surprisingly.

It was the day I accompanied her to a doctor’s appointment in Penang General Hospital. She was being informed that the pacemaker’s battery is expected to wear out in a year, she needs a replacement before the coming April.

This would be the third time. 85-year-old aunty Lim underwent a pacemaker implantation procedure when she was young. Her heart beats too slow that it doesn't pump enough blood to meet the body's needs. She had been living peacefully with the pacemaker for almost 40 years. Replace it once 18 years ago and she thought that would be her last time lying on the operation table.

“Dr., can I don’t replace it? I have not much time left, can’t I just let it be?”

A pacemaker is like a phone’s battery, do you think the phone still works when the battery drains out? The doctor felt reluctant, but he has to do what he needs to.

Aunty Lim lost her husband after a few years of marriage. As a single mom, she worked very hard to raise her children. Fortunately, she’s blessed with a family of 4 generations living under one roof.

She’s very optimistic but I can feel a sense of loneliness and emptiness when she chatted with me. She’s having social isolation, leg weakness limiting her physical activity, and she’s experiencing insomnia and not knowing what can she do with it.

It was an ordinary but unforgettable day. All of a sudden, I understand the reason Aunty Lim refused the procedure. Although she hadn’t been given a chance to make a choice.

Background in healthcare exposes me to life and death, and to witness the cruel, inexorably slow “long goodbye”. The seniors admitted into the wards are lonely despite having family members or caregivers around. The lucky seniors who stayed with their families have to bear the social isolation when they are busy at work. Most of the time, the social workers or healthcare professionals that visit them once a month comprehend the seniors better than anyone else.

It’s very common to come through the posts on social media looking for a caregiver to take care of their immobilized/ dependent parents. When everyone is keeping their eyes on the seniors who are in palliative care, shouldn’t we give some hope and care to their life partners who are going to lose their loved one? I believe this is the part that we always missed out – [the emotional care]

“I’m so glad to have you, or else I don’t know who should I talk to.”

Aunty Lim told me before I dropped her off. My eyes became teary. I feel stronger and stronger that improving the quality of life is more urgent than treating the disease/ symptoms. It is a fight between quality and quantity.

Do you want to live just the length of your life and ignore the width?

Longevity of life is a blessing, but how if loneliness is the cost of it? Are you willing to lengthen your life?

I always tell my friends that my job shouldn’t exist, if there’s sufficient support from the family and community. Spare some time with the seniors around you and listen to them, you never know you may change the world.